Newt Gingrich wants to make the moon the 51st state
No, that’s not former House Speaker Newt Gingrich’s latest solution for that illegal immigrant “problem” poised on America. The GOP hopeful unveiled an out-of-this-world vision for the US on Wednesday and proposed that the American Empire expand with a fifty-first state — on the moon.
The US military is already in over one hundred countries and, frankly, 50 united states really aren’t that many after all, is it? It is only natural then, says Gingrich, to begin colonizing space.
Loonie? Perhaps. But the speaker seems to be taking this lunar-minded agenda rather seriously.
From the campaign trail in Florida on Wednesday, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich told supporters that earlier in his career he introduced something called the Northwest Ordinance for Space. He acknowledged that it was the “weirdest thing” he’s ever done, but today he says he stands by what it called for.
“I think the number is 13,000 — when we have 13,000 Americans living on the moon, they can petition to become a state,” recalled Gingrich.
The crowd in Cocoa, Florida responded with both laughter and applause.
“By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American,” Gingrich added. “We will have commercial near-Earth activities that include science, tourism and manufacturing.”
For clueless Republicans unsure of which member of the party to root for this election year, most in the pool of candidates have thus far failed to introduce any option that strays far from the establishment ideals of the rest of the GOP. Sure, Ron Paul may be able to offer an agenda of non-intervention and no more Fed, but what is his take on moon colonies?
“Twice recently, Governor Romney has made fun of me for having bold ideas in space,” Gingrich said during his address Wednesday. On Thursday, Republican rival Rick Santorum told CNN, "The idea that anybody's going out and talking about brand new, very expensive schemes to spend more money at a time when we do not have our fiscal house in order in my opinion is playing crass politics and not being realistic with the people of this country as to the nature and gravity of the problem.”
A vote for Newt, however, is a vote for extraterrestrial imperialism and zero gravity galore!
“I accept the charge that I am an American and Americans are instinctively grandiose because we believe in a bigger future!” Gingrich said Wednesday. “I want you to help me both in Florida and across the country so that you can someday say you were here the day it was announced that of course we’d have commercial space and near space. Of course we’d have a man colony on the moon that flew an American flag.”
Until the moon gets cancer, that is. Then it’s splitsville, baby.