Cocaine atop lampposts & trashed ambulances: Orgiastic scenes from England's World Cup celebrations
One assumes if England's premier rivals Germany, who reached six consecutive major tournament semi-finals between 2006 and 2016, celebrated the same way, the country would by now have required a new Marshall Plan.
But on this day, the English didn't care how they looked to the outside world, and wouldn't have to compare themselves to the steely Germans, the silky Spaniards, or the Samba-dancing Brazilians. This day was about them.
Brighton went off today, up the England 🦁🦁🦁 pic.twitter.com/MWndHKBTGv— Jack Stocker (@JackStocker95) 7 July 2018
In what was by British standards a feverish heat, this was the id unleashed, but among all the untrammeled emotion, there was also a self-conscious showiness, a desire to one up the man (and often woman) next to you - drink your pint more quickly, belt out Three Lions louder, get more sunburned more quickly.
The most obvious way of letting everyone know the extent of your joy was evidently climbing up on elements of traffic paraphernalia, which is involved in a sizable proportion of videos to emerge from England.
This guy at London Bridge earlier. Legend😂🏴 pic.twitter.com/iIzGkDIsVM— Nicole🦁🦁🦁 (@NicoleRuseCFC) 7 July 2018
But what to do once you are there?
Jump and fall through some glass, then pretend nothing happened?
That’s someone’s dad. England fans 🤮 pic.twitter.com/spYPhvySGP— Bethany Jane McEyebrow 🐹 (@omghonx) 8 July 2018
On one occasion the triumphant car was an ambulance.
Do you know these people?— ☤ WMAS HART ☤ (@WMASHART) 8 July 2018
Standing so proudly on an NHS @Ldn_Ambulance Rapid Response Car and damaging the vehicle to the point where it can no longer respond to emergencies
If you know who these people are or have further images/videos please call @metpoliceuk on 101 pic.twitter.com/7bdqTxNHac
We're delighted with the result, but this has put a big dampener on the celebrations for us: while our officer attended a call nearby, this car was damaged in Borough High Street during the celebrations after the game - it's now off the road to be repaired. pic.twitter.com/V71kOEn4OO— London Ambulance (@Ldn_Ambulance) 7 July 2018
And sometimes it wasn't a car at all.
A group of #England fans celebrating the teams 2-nil win over Sweden were filmed jumping on furniture and throwing things around at an #Ikea store in London. Staff at the Swedish-founded shop watched in horror as fans flooded in #WorldCup (video @KingMo786 ) pic.twitter.com/5yNV8XHUoW— LBC Breaking (@lbcbreaking) 7 July 2018
And sometimes it wasn't happening in England - in Benidorm police in a less celebratory mood used batons to restrain the white-shirted fans.
There are still two matches to go.
Do we want to make this man happy?
Though this is an even more disturbing scene of joy.
So the question remains, does the world hope that England don't win another match, lest the apocalypse falls upon us, or do we perhaps hope the Three Lions never lose again so that the party never turns sour?