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18 Dec, 2021 13:00

How woke rules have killed dating

How woke rules have killed dating

The days of natural attraction are long gone, it seems, replaced by a set of politicised rules that include Democrats must not date Republican men, and lesbians should date ‘women’ with penises. Who said romance was dead, eh?

Girl meets boy. They fall in love and live happily ever after. OK, so that’s hopelessly outdated. How about this? Girl meets girl. They are instantly, passionately attracted to one another. Still too romantic? Let’s try again. Boy and girl match on a dating app and hook up a few times before getting bored and moving on. Uninspiring but accurate? 

Not any more. Dating, like just about everything else nowadays, is complicated. Even swiping left is problematic. Woke rules are enough to make the most ardent souls turn off Tinder, give up on Grindr, or block Bumble.  

For a start, there’s the whole sex question. No, I don’t mean what you get up to in the bedroom. You’re free to do pretty much whatever you both – or all – enjoy in the privacy of your room. As long as you have consent, of course. Preferably both verbal and written, signed in triplicate and witnessed by a lawyer. 

But before we get that far, there’s a much more fundamental sex question: is your partner of choice male or female? And what does that actually mean? Once, being straight was a good indication that you fancied people of the opposite sex and being gay meant same-sex attraction. That was back in the days when men could be relied on to have penises, and women came with vaginas. 

Woke dating rule number one states that “trans men are men” and “trans women are women.” In other words, forget about sex and focus on gender identity. If the six-foot-something bearded bloke with a distinct bulge at the crotch declares “pronouns she/her” then – lesbians – this one’s for you! What do you mean you find the penis a turn-off and you don’t want to be pressurised into having sex with someone you don’t find attractive? To the woke, this is transphobic – and we all know there is no worse crime than that. 

A recent report from the BBC highlights the growing number of lesbians who “feel pressured or coerced to accept a trans woman as a sexual partner.” One woman explains, “Lesbians are extremely scared to speak because they think they won’t be believed, because the trans ideology is so silencing everywhere.” Women might once have insisted “No means no,” but it turns out that no must mean yes if your potential partner is a man who says he is a woman. 

But it’s not just gender ideology that gets in the way of a night of passion. Politics rears its ugly head, too. To date, woke is to insist on complete insight into your partner’s every political view before you allow them so much as a peck on the cheek. Profile pictures of people in Make America Great Again hats or carrying Jordan Peterson books are red flags. But if in doubt, you could hand out a questionnaire, scroll back through someone’s entire Twitter history or simply ask them their voting intentions.

A survey of US college students out this week suggests that politics is a major consideration not just for people looking for a future life partner but even for those in search of a date, with Democrats far more likely than Republicans to reject someone with opposing views. A whopping 71% of student Democrats said they would turn down a night out with a Republican. For them, the box ticked in a polling booth once every four years clearly overrides the chance for an evening of interesting conversation or a night of passion.

It’s not just in the US. We see the same trend emerging in the UK too. A 2019 survey showed that almost 40% of Remain voters would be upset if their child married a Leaver, while a third of Labour supporters wouldn’t want their child to marry a Tory. 

What’s surprising is the response to these findings from the woke left. Far from wondering if political polarisation has gone too far and it’s time to look beyond differences in the interests of social solidarity and a harmonious future, woke commentators have spent the past week essentially saying, ‘Polarisation, division and prejudice? Bring it on!’

The painfully progressive Salon argues Democrats are absolutely right to refuse to date Republicans. Journalist Amanda Marcotte asks, “If you – quite correctly – believe that Republicans are plotting to destroy democracy, then why would you want to be friends with people who support that?” Well, perhaps because Republicans no more want to destroy democracy than Democrats, or because conversation can be a good way of changing people’s minds.

But it’s not opposing views that Marcotte fears so much as Republican men. Aligning all young male Republican voters with Donald Trump, and jumping from there to Trump’s infamous “grab ’em by the pussy” comment, Marcotte concludes that, for women, deciding not to date Republicans “isn’t just about personal taste, but safety.” The hysteria continues with woke women being urged to avoid those who don’t see you “as full human beings” even if they are “‘personally’ pro-choice or pro-LGBTQ rights.” 

So, welcome to the wacky world of woke dating. Forget love, passion and hot sex, and check your privilege instead. It’s downright bigoted not to date a woman because she is in possession of a penis, but avoiding those with different views to you is a question of basic safety. Can we just go back to swiping right for lust please?

The statements, views and opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of RT.