Oklahoma Democrats want to ban Onanism

Oklahoma, State Senator Constance Johnson
In an attempt to take a stand against Republican bill that would ban abortions in Oklahoma, State Senator Constance Johnson is trying to make “pulling out” illegal.

Any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child,” Johnson stated in a handwritten amendment to Oklahoma senate bill 1433.

Her satirical proposal came as a response to a real draft-law sponsored by conservative legislators. 

The bill which is being dubbed the “Personhood” bill states that life begins at conception and declares that "unborn children have protectable interest in life, health and well-being."

The Oklahoma senate bill, by Senator Brian Crain (R-Tulsa), passed the Senate Committee on Health and Human Services on Monday. It would additionally ban all forms of abortion and would organize a legal challenge to 

Roe v. Wade.

 “As a woman and a 31-year veteran of the legislative process in Oklahoma, I am increasingly offended by state law trends that solely focus on the female’s role in the reproductive process,” Senator Johnson explains to The Guardian.

“With Oklahoma’s new, never-before-experienced Republican majority, we are seeing enactment of more and more measures that adversely affect women and their rights to access safe medical procedures when making reproductive healthcare decisions,” Johnson added.

She admits that her proposal is meant to “draw humorous attention to the hypocrisy and inconsistency.”

My amendment seeks to draw attention to the absurdity, duplicity and lack of balance inherent in the policies of this state in regard to women,” Johnson affirmed.

Johnson isn’t alone in the matter.

According to TulsaWorld.com, Senator Jim Wilson (D-Tahlequah), who supports the pro-choice stance, has also presented an amendment that would make the father of an unborn child fiscally accountable for the unborn child’s mother's health care, housing, transportation and nourishment while she is expecting. The proposal has failed. 

According to Johnson people of both sexes have come forth and expressed their support to her cause and Johnson believes anyone who is against big government should side with her.

“From the Republican perspective of down-sized government and less government intrusion into people’s private affairs…it is far more important that we address issues such as affordable healthcare to help improve our state’s ranking of 48th in health status; to create good, secure jobs that grow our economy; and ensure that all citizens have access to quality, affordable education,” Johnson acknowledged.

If the amendment were to somehow pass without stiff opposition, many would be left wondering how the state government would enforce the new bill. Would the state of Oklahoma send a law enforcement agent to make sure you aren’t “spilling your seed?” 

Meanwhile if the "Personhood" bill is adopted by the Senate of Oklahoma, it would ban not only abortions but also reduce the number of providers for in-vitro fertilization. 


According to Dr. Eli Reshef, medical director at the Bennett Fertility Institute, if a lab technician dropped a dish containing fertilized human eggs, it would be considered a crime. 


As reported by TulsaWorld.com Reshef said, "Embryos, including those frozen in storage, are now persons. Do they have inheritance rights because they are a person now? Do they have to be counted in the Census? I know this might sound like stretching, but this is how vague a law like this is."