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18 Feb, 2015 21:57

CNN insists ISIS lures women... with Nutella & kittens. For real.

CNN insists ISIS lures women... with Nutella & kittens. For real.

The Islamic State, the savage militant group wreaking bloody havoc across the Middle East, has purportedly stooped to a brand new low by recruiting Western women to its heavenly cause with promises of earthly delights.

According to CNN anchor Carol Costello, the marketing team at the Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS) is attempting to lure female heathens into its ranks with promises of sugar-drenched chocolate spread and cute kittens.

Yes, true to their reputation for unspeakable cruelty and wickedness, the fundamentalists have found the Achilles heel of the West: namely, Western women and their apparent addiction to high-fat, sodium-based snack foods, compounded by an obsession for adorable kittens. Not to mention smiley emojis!

CNN reports "Nutella, kittens, emoji" being used by ISIS to lure women recruits: http://t.co/O3E4ZRfCb0pic.twitter.com/9IJWFiUNt7

— TVNewser (@tvnewser) February 18, 2015

“As ISIS continues to gain territory across the Middle East, the recruitment of young women to its ranks is becoming increasingly important to the group,” Costello croons. “And among the most highly sought after targets? Western women!”

Oh please we recruited half of our staff with kittens and nutella pic.twitter.com/3w436jAzl3

— Max Fisher (@Max_Fisher) February 18, 2015

In virtually one breath, the po-faced anchor asks and answers a crucial question:

“How do you relay your message of jihad in a way Westerners understand?…They are turning to the language of social media and that seems to be working just fine for ISIS.

“ISIS is talking online about jars of Nutella, pictures of kittens and emojis,” Costello asserts. “They want people to believe their life on the battlefield isn’t so different than yours.

“They actually eat Nutella and I guess they have pet kittens.”

CNN says ISIS is recruiting with “kittens and nutella.” Fox News announces “The Holy War Begins.” What do you got for us MSNBC.

— Max Fisher (@Max_Fisher) February 18, 2015

Let’s attempt to wrap our minds around Costello’s argument for a moment: Islamic State warriors, who’ve spared no cost, not to mention bloodshed, in professionally promoting an image of themselves as the most disgusting savages ever to set foot on Earth, now want us to believe that by pushing Nutella, images of furry kittens and smiley faces this will make us believe that “their life on the battlefield isn’t so different than yours”?

Joke as we will, that CNN chyron about kittens and Nutella was genius. That’s how you grab a viewer’s attention on a long-running story.

— Heidi N Moore (@moorehn) February 18, 2015

For the uninitiated, Nutella is an Italian-produced hazelnut and chocolate spread that packs about 70 percent saturated fat and processed sugar by weight. And anybody who has Facebook is readily familiar with kittens, and the oddly bewitching effect these furry creatures have on Western women.

The incredible, unconfirmed claims presented by Costello paved the way for an interview with Nimmi Gowrinathan, visiting professor from City College, New York, who got down to the brass tacks of discussing IS recruitment methods.

Gowrinathan addressed the issue of disenfranchised women flocking to the jihadist group, which she described as “this 7th-century ideology that is using 21st-century technology.” She added that, “In France they actually found that 45 percent of the people calling the hotline to join ISIS were young women.”

Gowrinathan didn’t say if the impressionable young French women had inquired about Nutella and furry kittens. But at that point, many viewers had apparently already abandoned the show, taking to Twitter faster than you can say ‘pass the hazelnut spread’.

Max Fisher of Vox.com suggested the ruse was nothing new, tweeting: “Oh please we recruited half of our staff with kittens and Nutella.”

@FearDept@AnonyOps@fabiomaster Oh yes, of course I'll sell my soul for Nutella. Because I'm just a woman. What do I know?

— Tami Brewster-Barnes (@TamiBrewster) February 18, 2015