Red Jihad? US conspiracy theorists think Moscow has a final solution for America & Israel

Bryan MacDonald
Bryan MacDonald is an Irish journalist, who is based in Russia
© Kevin Lamarque
According to some American obsessives, Russia has plans to annihilate America and Israel. This premise is clearly insane, rendering a new book upholding this theory a modern comedy classic.

Here’s a tip: if you are reading something utterly hilarious, don’t do it in a crowded space. Your uncontrollable giggles will encourage funny looks. I made this mistake last week, in a sunny park. The book was “Red Jihad: Moscow’s Final Solution for America and Israel.” Not only did it make me laugh, I think I even cried.

Before this, Bob Hope, Woody Allen and Eddie Murphy were my favorite American comedians. Now, however, they have all been trumped by the terrific twosome of Cliff Kincaid and JR Nyquist. These guys are to humor what Chauncey Gardiner was to politics - unwitting superstars. Indeed, reading their book is like being transported to the 1950s, a time when America had no problem finding enemies; it only needed to ask Joseph McCarthy.

Kincaid is a Ronald Reagan-worshipper who runs a YouTube channel called “America’s Survival.” While not as raucously uproarious as his written work, it’s also quite entertaining. Nyquist is one of those “Senior Fellow” chaps who decorate various American lobby groups, or think tanks as they usually prefer to be called.

As you’ve probably already guessed from the title, Kincaid and Nyquist’s tome suggests that Russia intends to wipe out both Israel and the US. While this would be pure nonsense at the best of times, it’s even funnier if you occasionally read the Jerusalem Post, as I do. You see, they recently published an op-ed calling Putin, “the closest thing to a friend Israel has ever had in Moscow.”

The Jerusalem Post is spot on here. Whatever you may think about Putin, he’s not an anti-Semite. In fact, he has bent over backwards to accommodate Jewish groups. Putin has also appointed numerous Jews to top government positions. Muslims, incidentally, have also gotten a fair shake in this regard.

Goodbye Cruel World

As for the US, the only way Putin could destroy America would be with nuclear weapons. In the unlikely event that he’s pondering such a move, it would be self-defeating. Washington would respond by leveling Russia too and, ultimately, humans would become a footnote in earth’s history. Just as we learn about dinosaurs, some future species would be fascinated by how homo sapiens nuked themselves into oblivion. The fools!

For Kincaid and Nyquist, the Cold War never ended. They believe that Russians are still Communists and in league with the Chinese. Furthermore, the dynamic duo contends that the 1960s Sino-Soviet split was an elaborate ruse: “A deception that has weakened the free world…they wanted us to believe that they were at odds. In fact, we were always their main enemy,” the boys insist. That’s some first-rate historical revisionism there. It’s also quite something to believe that successive generations have maintained the illusion of disharmony and suspicion.

Nyquist alleges: “Russian officials still consider themselves members of the international Marxist movement.” This is the opposite of what Western officials and their media usually accuse them of, which is buying up half of London and the like. Not to mention that Russia is the most financially unequal economy in the G8. Whatever you might like to call contemporary Russian officials, I wouldn’t consider them socialists. I’m also pretty sure that Lenin never drove a Porsche Cayenne.

Ironically, Nyquist himself and Kincaid might even get along with some of those Russians they denigrate. When discussing Chelsea Manning’s homosexuality - formerly known as Bradley - it’s billed as a “perversion.” A lot of Russian lawmakers would nod sagely at that.

That’s before our heroes devote a whole chapter to smearing Barack Obama as a “Marxist/Muslim mole” working for Moscow to destroy America from within. Doubtless, this is amusing for Russian diplomats currently working to remove sanctions placed on Russia by the same President Obama. In real life, he happens to be a Christian believer and has implemented seven years of resolutely neoliberal economics in America.

Everyone is KGB

Later they push back new boundaries of comedy by actually going beyond a joke, such as their conviction that the Kremlin actually created Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL). Never mind that Russia helped annihilate them in Palmyra - more than the Americans have managed thus far - IS has spent recent years attacking Syria. Damascus, of course, has long been Moscow’s closest Middle Eastern ally. So, this does not compute. Heck, nothing in this book computes. Like the notion that IT company Telegram’s Pavel Durov is working with the “KGB” and Pope Francis is also cooperating with them.

When Kincaid and Nyqvist move onto RT, the nutty gets nuttier. They quote a “former KGB officer” named Konstantin Preobrazhensky, who accuses the channel’s head, Margarita Simonyan, of being “linked to the FSB (Russia’s state security service).” “Due to her age and experience, she cannot command such a huge machine… she was appointed only to deceive the gullible West,” he alleges. In other words, because Simonyan is only in her mid-30s, she's a little girl who couldn’t possibly be able to do such a big, big job. Yet, ask any staffer in RT and they will tell you that Simonyan is no Little Red Riding Hood.

The prickly pair then warns: “The US does not have an effective way to counter Russian disinformation - here (in the US) or abroad.” It seems the boys have never heard of the BBG, which receives over $750 million annually and controls RFE/RL, the Voice of America and The Interpreter smear blog. Not to mention, an army of think tanks and basically the entire Western Anglophone media that echoes Washington’s worldview on foreign policy.

Kincaid and Nyquist also call for Edward Snowden to be returned to the US and given the death penalty, and for “communist” Vladimir Putin to be brought before a tribunal for his “crimes against humanity.” Sadly, the details of these alleged transgressions are not outlined. Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan is hailed as a hero for his “anti-Soviet views.” Despite his increasingly brutal and authoritarian rule, “it makes sense for the West to back him in his battle with Russia and Russian-backed terrorists.

Red Jihad might just be the funniest book I’ve ever read. The more people that buy it the better! Higher sales increase the likelihood of a sequel or three. Just take my advice, enjoy it in private, or risk strange looks. It really is that hilarious.

The statements, views and opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of RT.