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10 Jun, 2020 20:40

HBO Max has pulled ‘Gone With the Wind’ from its service in order to fight racism and, frankly my dear, I DO give a damn!

HBO Max has pulled ‘Gone With the Wind’ from its service in order to fight racism and, frankly my dear, I DO give a damn!

HBO Max has deemed the movie Gone With the Wind racist and has pulled it from its service, because viewers are apparently too fragile and too stupid to be allowed to watch it.

In recent weeks, as protesters carrying Black Lives Matter signs filled the streets, I have often heard it said that “racism is a virus.” If that is true, then the new streaming service HBO Max just found the cure.

HBO Max’s simple and brutally effective treatment to eradicate racism from the world is to pull the 1939 classic Gone With the Wind from its service…for now…at least until it can bring the film back “with a discussion of its historical context.” Take that, racism!

Gone With the Wind, which is based on the novel of the same name by Margaret Mitchell, won 10 Academy Awards, including, ironically enough, the first ever for an African American, Hattie McDaniel, for Best Supporting Actress. The movie is also the highest grossing film of all time (adjusted for inflation) and is widely considered to be one of the greatest films of all time.

The film’s unforgivable sin, though, is that it is set in the American South during the Civil War and Reconstruction and depicts black slaves as a happy, content and well-treated bunch that adored their benevolent white masters.

Thankfully, HBO Max’s swift action will put an end to that highly popular theory, that seems to be everywhere nowadays, which states that African-Americans were much better off during the happy-go-lucky slavery era than today.

My fervent hope is that the geniuses at HBO Max and across Hollywood will now set their sights on other famous films from the past that cross the line of wokeness and offend the delicate sensibilities of us all.

For instance, all of the Star Wars films need to be tossed onto the woke bonfire immediately for their disgusting homophobia, which manifests itself in the C3PO character, an offensive stereotype of all closeted gay robots.

And how do you think members of the Sasquatch community feel when they see Chewbacca denying his obvious Sasquatch heritage and calling himself a “Wookie,” all while speaking some guttural, primitive language and carrying a laser-shooting crossbow? Won’t someone think of the Sasquatch?

Steven Spielberg’s Schindler’s List has got to go, too, as, while it may be historically accurate, that doesn’t matter because you just know that anti-Semites watch that thing like it’s Nazi porn, which is just gross, and I simply cannot abide anybody enjoying anything for the wrong reasons…or the right reasons, for that matter.

While we are on the subject of Nazis, The Sound of Music feels really Nazi-friendly to me, too, especially since it’s filled with all those smiling, singing white people…so into the delete bin it goes.

As a student of history I can tell you that Dr Zhivago is about Russia…I think… and the mainstream media and Hollywood have made it clear to me that Russians and Nazis are the same thing…so torch that damn movie!

Speaking of my vast knowledge of history, the 1956 classic The Ten Commandments needs to be exorcised from American screens immediately. Have you seen how negatively it portrays Egyptians? That seems really Islamophobic to me!

Titanic needs to be erased, not just because it has only white people in it, but because it sheds a bad light on the cruise ship industry and come on guys, corporations are people too.

Same thing goes for the Terminator franchise, which really slanders the tech industry with its negative portrayal of SkyNet. How do you think the folks in Silicon Valley feel when tech is seen as a malevolent force?

Speaking of the tech industry…in order to spare the feelings of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, if he is even capable of feeling, The Social Network needs to be banned forever and ever.

Boogie Nights really offended me personally because of its negative depiction of people with extremely large appendages, so it has got to go too!

And what about Citizen Kane? Yes, it does highlight the unconventional love between a boy and his sled, but on the other hand it really belittles the media-owning billionaire class (of which HBO Max is a member) and I just can’t abide by that…onto the bonfire it goes!

Also on rt.com Destroy EVERYTHING! Will culture police keen to purge historical racism turn to museums, galleries and libraries next?

In fact, I think every film that makes anyone, anywhere, even slightly uncomfortable for any reason at all, needs to be not only banned, but all copies destroyed and the ashes then scattered to the winds. That way, all hatred and prejudice of any kind will be permanently eradicated from the universe forever and ever…amen.

As for HBO Max, I think we should all take a knee in honor of their brave decision to save us from our own fragility and stupidity, and from the burden of freedom of choice, by not allowing us to watch Gone With the Wind without “context.”

The bottom line is this: where Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X and Nelson Mandela all failed, HBO Max has gloriously succeeded. Racism is now definitively and irreversibly Gone With the Wind!

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The statements, views and opinions expressed in this column are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of RT.