Holy god! This Irish Catholic sex-ed video will turn you celibate

© Ah Jaysus
Ireland’s history is littered with sexually repressive laws, which is probably why this ’80s educational video about ‘love-making’ is so damned cringe worthy.

For example, it wasn’t until the Family Planning Act of 1979 that contraception became legal on the Emerald Isle.

Even then, they had to be prescribed by a doctor, who ensured it was for “bona fide” family planning or medical purposes and not just a quick romp.

Exemplifying how the church’s influence kept Ireland behind the times, sex between consenting adult men was not even decriminalized until 1993.

In the meantime, children in Irish schools were subjected to lessons like the one below.

The educational clip sees Catholic sex-guru Angela first pray, before seamlessly getting down to the nitty gritty.

© Ah Jaysus

She explains that sex between a man and a woman involves a “warm hug,” telling each other they are beautiful, and having “a bit of a laugh because they are the best of friends.”

But then, she cautions, “in a very short time, because, they’re so close, the man feels his penis becoming erect.”

After a few more extremely awkward descriptions of “wet dreams” and “slippery” vaginas, Part 1 ends with a shot of Angela’s hands apparently depicting how sex works.

Part two is even harder to watch. Let’s just say it includes diagrams and nicknames for penises.

Having wrapped up with the nuts and bolts, as solemn church music kicks in to lend her words emphasis and authority, Angela tells the schoolchildren how, although at first it may sound really strange, “God has made it really lovely – and exciting and pleasant feeling.” She goes on to say, “When you’re joined together like one person, and you love each other so much, he has made it a really lovely feeling.”

She explains the rationale for this, saying “Supposing God made it an awful feeling; then nobody’d do it, and then we wouldn’t have any babies.”

Angela cautions her viewers, however, that the feeling is SO good, that some are tempted to do it before getting married.

Although she admits this is just a normal human temptation, she emphasizes that “God doesn’t want people to have sexual intercourse before they are married,” adding, “remember, he is the inventor and he knows what’s best.”

So if you’re unmarried, but thinking of getting lucky this evening, you would be ill-advised to watch these videos. If Angela’s words of wisdom don’t convince you, her graphic diagrams and cringe worthy descriptions will probably be enough to send you heading in the direction of the nearest cold shower.