‘Oh bacon, how could you?’ Twitter sizzles over UN report that processed meats cause cancer
Twitter went through all of Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief when faced with the daunting news.
Many were in denial.
The only way bacon will ever kill anyone is if a bartender ever tried to put any in my martini— Simon Majumdar (@SimonMajumdar) October 26, 2015
WHO: "Bacon and sausage can cause cancer" ME: "Well how bad can that really be"— Ian Boudreau (@iboudreau) October 26, 2015
Oh come on! So now #bacon is bad for us? A bacon sandwich is beyond good. This is one food scare that I refuse to be scared of.— Dr Jez Phillips (@drjezphillips) October 26, 2015
The most elaborate one came from the North American Meat Institute, an intimidatingly-named lobbying group.
The WHO classified cured meat as a class 1 carcinogen. The North American Meat Institute responds. pic.twitter.com/Nc9B5DvOe9— Matthew Trumbell (@MTrums) October 26, 2015
Plenty of users were angry.
Bacon can give you cancer, says WHO. pic.twitter.com/xL5knsbhad— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) October 26, 2015
Oh, bacon. How could you? I gave you so much love and time, and this is how you repay us all??— James Moran (@jamesmoran) October 26, 2015
Some tried to bargain.
Devastating that scientists say bacon causes cancer and we face the fact that we’ll have to give up science.— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) October 26, 2015
Then there was depression.
What's the point of living in a world where bacon causes cancer?! https://t.co/p3gYqTC3va— Natalia Antonova (@NataliaAntonova) October 26, 2015
Me, discovering that I can get cancer from bacon. pic.twitter.com/FNGdaS2gzq— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley) October 26, 2015
If bacon gives you cancer, that's it. Bring on nuclear sodding apocalypse.— Wings Over S******d (@WingsScotland) October 26, 2015
And finally acceptance.
Agreed. Something's going to kill you. I want mine to be bacon. https://t.co/zajzVzWgSU— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) October 26, 2015
With bacon-death imminent, there was gallows humor.
World Health Organization? More like World HELL Organization for trying to ruin bacon, amirite? (I am not rite, they are good at medicine)— Hayes Brown (@HayesBrown) October 26, 2015
If sausage, bacon, and ham can cause cancer, I have no idea how I've made it 22 years without getting cancer.— Josh Bishop (@joshbishop92) October 26, 2015
no my bacon cigarette startup is doing just fine why do you ask— Warren Ellis (@warrenellis) October 26, 2015
Bacon causes cancer? Well I’m going to try to eat it all so no one else has to suffer. Not all heroes wear capes.— Ol' QWERTY Bastard (@TheDiLLon1) October 26, 2015
All the cool kids standing on a corner across the street from the school, eating bacon.— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) October 26, 2015
Plenty saw a wider context.
When you find out bacon causes cancer pic.twitter.com/r13hrLTmlJ— Mark Di Stefano (@MarkDiStef) October 26, 2015
The World Health Organization says bacon can cause cancer. How long do think it will be before Jews get accused of running it?— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) October 26, 2015
Everyone devastated to learn that bacon causes cancer...except the Muslims, whose God helpfully gave them a heads up on this one.— Angry Salmond (@AngrySalmond) October 26, 2015
But many were lost for words, and resorted to simply posting pictures of a treat that may well be banned from the shops at the behest of UN bureaucrats, only to be bought from underground butchers, one strip at a time.
So wrong, its right.. chocolate maple bacon cake! pic.twitter.com/392BXkCd4H— Food Porn (@foodporntho) October 25, 2015