Published: 14 February, 2009, 00:47
Edited: 14 February, 2009, 00:47
St. Valentine’s Day is perfect for a countrywide protest, when lovebirds raise as one to demand free apartments and cinema tickets, suggest Russian communists.
“Don’t be satisfied by kissing on porches, if you have no place for a tête-à-tête,” the communists of St Petersburg say. “Sweethearts can and should demand free apartments, threatening to move into flats belonging to civil servants and top managers” if their words are not heard.
If you think a free apartment is too big a goal, aim for free visits to the cinema. “Young people in love go to cinema. That’s how it was even in Lenin’s time! With the crisis waging, let’s make the state buy out back-row seats and distribute them to student couples for free,” the organisation calls.
Cafe and bar owners will also fall victim to the protest that the communists dream of. “Let those capitalist sharks cut their prices – or else boycott them and let them die, painfully squeezed by the screws of the economic crisis”.
Interestingly enough, there appears to be no grudge against St. Valentine’s Day in the Communist’s statement, unlike other holidays borrowed from western culture after the fall of the Soviet Union, such as Halloween.
“Many workers embrace St. Valentine’s Day, and the Communist Party is always with the people,” they explain.
If the protest call is really heard, which we at RT find unlikely, we’ll see a spectacular show: columns of hugging lovebirds in the streets waving bright red balloons, valentine cards and roses and showing “the rotten regime that ‘locking of hands and legs and fates’ is an unexpected and effective revolutionary action.”
Happy St. Valentine’s Day to everyone!