Coping with death through life in Israel

The conflict between Israel and the Palestinians has claimed many lives on both sides. Often those left behind struggle to come to terms with their grief, especially the mothers. In recent years several Russian-born women in Israel, who have lost sons in

These women, who call themselves the living dead, were unable to deal with the deaths of their sons. They found a rather unorthodox approach to coping with the unimaginable pain. They gave birth…in their fifties.

One mother lost her son Beni six years ago in the Palestinian city of Ramallah. Beni and five other soldiers were manning a roadbloack when they were ambushed by Palestinian militants.

Margarita Kikis, the mother of Beni, had initially contemplated suicide. Instead, she gave birth to twins.

“I Didn't want any child. I wanted my Beni back. But I knew I couldn't give birth to him a second time, but still, I felt it was him,” Kikis said.

Tragedy can force people into extreme behaviour. People cope with loss in different ways. Some can't let go and look for a replacement. Olga Oksman says that she is not one of those people.

“Replacement is a very terrible word. It's not a replacement. I always say I have three children of whom one has died,” Olga says.

Her husband, Evgeniy Oksman, echoed the same feeling.

“Nobody can replace Michael. You can give birth to ten children but it won't help. It does become harder with age to bring up a child, but Michelle now fills up our life and gives us a reason to continue living.”

Because of their age, becoming pregnant and giving birth to a healthy baby can pose many problems. Fortunately for these women, Israel has the highest per capita rate of fertility clinics in the world. The government promotes giving birth, much like Russia does. In fact, Israel performs 20,000 fertility treatments a year, and many of them are heavily subsidized by the government.

In spite of the push to have babies, it is sometimes difficult to find a doctor when many remain hesitant about helping women who they believe are acting only out of desperation to replace their lost children.

“I don't think a child can fill the empty place in these women. But when each of them told me the best thing they know how to do is to be a mother, I said okay, I'll do everything to help.” fertitility doctor Schlomo Mesiach said.

But in spite of his apprehension, he has helped many older woman looking to be mothers again. His oldest patient, 58-year-old Kazhdan, recently gave birth after her son was killed in the Lebanon war two and a half years ago.

“I'll never forget the moment I got the phone call to tell me my son was dead. Ten months later I gave birth to Mark. It is new happiness with the taste of tears,” Elena said.

Her husband is equally as happy: “Now I have a reason to live. He will tie me to the land,” Mikhail Kazhdan said.

While many see this as desperate, it is hard not to agree that tragedy has brought new life and happiness into the world.

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