A sure sign of a subject’s newsworthiness is the amount of products being created for it. T-shirts and pins usually come first, then caps and bags – but lately, America has been responding to serious changes with seriously funny latex.

Whether it’s the need to feel protected, anger at being screwed by the government and the economy – or simply a good sense of humor, one thing is certain: “Occupy Condoms” are bound to be a big hit amid the passionate protests sweeping the country.

In a move reflective of the true nature of capitalism, one store has begun offering novelty Occupy Wall Street condoms – with slogans like “We Will Come First!” stamped on each wrapper. To show a little love for the protesters, who have been living on the streets for days, these crowd-stoppers are being sold at a 70 percent discount – “to demonstrate support for social change and the virtuous pursuit of equality for all.”

It’s not the first time a major news story has literally touched so many. In the run-up to the presidential elections in 2008, voters happily bought “Obama Condoms,” showing that sex and politics can safely go hand in… err… hand. John McCain and Sarah Palin were also crowd pleasers, each with a pun of their own campaign slogans.

Sadly, this product is probably one of the few stimuli packages that’ve worked since 2008. Obama has not done much to protect his people or his country’s economy. And despite the “we won’t be screwed!” claims featured on the Occupy Wall Street condoms, it’s precisely the reason for the movement’s existence in the first place. They got screwed. They weren’t protected. And while they’re shooting blanks at the banks, the robber – and rubber – barons are still feeling good and not playing safe.

­Katerina Azarova, RT